Moving Day

It's amazing how you only realise how much stuff you have when you come to move house. As I gathered all my belongings together, ready to load them into the back of my moving van, I was reminded of something I once heard that houses are merely vessels where people keep their stuff, and that the only reason they move to a bigger house is because they have got too much stuff. Of course, this does not apply to me, as I am moving to a slightly smaller house but which has more land. I don't have too much stuff; it is animals which are my weakness, I'm afraid. Hence the need for more land.
Anyway, as I sit here now with the radio on (my TV is still at my old house) I am feeling ever so slightly emotional. For although this house is lovely, a thousand memories are wrapped up in my old house. Joyous celebrations, cruel disappointments, births and deaths. Three of my cats were born in this house; sitting on the floor of my bedroom with Twinkle (their mother) from the time she went into labour (around 10.30pm) until 6.30 the next morning. Good job I did too, as the first kitten was born breech and his head was stuck. I had to help pull him out.
My hand-raised Zebra Finch was born and died here too. Sadly his mother died when he was just a couple of days old and the father abandoned the nest. So I hand-fed him, every two hours day and night for two weeks and then every three hours for another two weeks. Step by step until he could feed on his own. Then I taught him to fly. I really did! He had no other birds to learn from and so I began with letting him jump from one of my fingers to another, gradually moving them further and further apart until he could fly thr width of my outstretched arms. Then I increased the distance little by little until he could fly properly. Even was in the aviary, he would always come to me. He lived for four years until he died, as he had lived, in my hands. 
I signed my first contract with a literary agent in the dining room. A brilliant day. I was so thrilled that someone believed in me enough to want to represent my work. Now though, I'm not so sure he is actually doing anything for me, but that's another story.
Of course, there are hundreds more memories I could mention, but I won't. Some things need to stay sacred, I guess.
Now all I have to figure out is which box I put my kettle in. Honestly, my throat is as dry as an Arab's sandal. Desperately need a nice cup of Earl Grey!

My World Trip

On a sunny Thursday in May, as I sit here with a cup of coffee, completely stuffed up with a cold, I find myself daydreaming and planning my dream motorbike tour. In this dream I travel first to Dover where I get the ferry to Calais. From there I ride through France and Germany, across into Poland and Belarus before heading into Russia. I then ride down through Russia, into Kazakhstan, Kyrgyztan and Tajikistan, and then on into Pakistan and India. I then go across India into Bangladesh and then up into Bhutan and on into China. It's then down again through China and into Laos, Thailand and through to Malaysia. Finally I island-hop as far as I can in Indonesia, and if possible, get a boat to Australia. What do you think?
All I have to figure out now is how I get my bike home again...Why, I ride back the way I came, of course!    

Paraprosdokian

I adore words. The English language is full of the most fabulously beautiful, as well as the most outrageously ugly, words. Words such as “myriad”, “languorous” and “lascivious”, “lewd”, “obscene” and “vomit” are just some of the beautiful and ugly words we have at our disposal.

I am also especially fond of coming across new words. A new word, together with its previously unknown meaning, is, to me, a bonus to what may already be a wonderful day (of course, if it is not, then it merely affords a ray of sunshine through the clouds). A word that I have recently come across (this very afternoon in fact) is “paraprosdokian”. A Paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising, or unexpected, and causes the reader or the listener to re-interpret the former part. To demonstrate, here are a few humorous, dramatic, and anti-climactic examples.

©      The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on the list.

©      I would like to agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

©      War does not determine who is right – merely who is left.

©      We never really grow up; we just learn how to behave in public.

©      What is the difference between knowledge and wisdom? Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is refraining from putting it in a fruit salad.

©      Dolphins are so smart that within a few short weeks of captivity, they can train humans to stand right at the edge of the pool and throw fish to them.

©      How come it takes just one careless match to start a forest fire, but it takes a whole bloody box to start a camp fire?

©      You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

©      I have discovered something about myself. I scream the same way whether I think I may about to be devoured by a shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

©      I always take life with a pinch of salt – plus a wedge of lime and a shot of tequila.

©      To be certain of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever it is you hit the target.

Here endeth the lesson. Now go and have a glass of wine to celebrate a lovely day when you learned something new. Or if you already knew what a paraprosdokian was, have a glass of wine anyway for being so erudite (another beautiful word).